Judging a Book by its Cover

So... normally I like to give everyone and everything the benefit of the doubt. But I won’t lie there are times when I will judge someone or something merely on a first impression appearance. That’s not to say that first impressions are always right (*cough jory cough*) But I do believe there are some things that you can judge whether or not its worth your time.

By some things I mean movies, by movies, I mean Without a Paddle. By that I mean... Without a Paddle is without a doubt the worst movie poster ever made. So much so that I refuse to watch it.

And you say oh Rose, you bitchy catamaran surely it’s not THAT bad. To that I say... Fuck you and listen to me for tonight I will write a blog of doctoral thesis proportion to prove my point that THIS....

Is the worst movie poster ever made.

It looks innocent enough doesn’t it? Three dudes in a boat underwater... sounds like a recipe for hilarious disaster.

First. And foremost the thing that bothers me the most about this poster. Seth Green is 5’4. Dax Shepard is 6’2 and Matthew Lillard is 6’3. Both Dax and Matt have almost a foot on Seth. Do they look like they are a foot taller than Seth in that poster??? Don’t give me that bullshit about Seth is standing on something. That’s just bad editing because unless Seth has "a little captain in him" you can see the top of one sneaker and not the other. He should still be shorter than the two of them. Foreground or not.

The poster would like to suggest that the three are trapped in the middle of lake in the middle of nowhere... but that water can’t be more than 8 feet deep. In Theory they could just you know wade back to the shore. That is clearly sand that boat is resting on. The movie should be called "Inconveniently Standing in Water"

Next is the expressions on their faces... None of them suggest to me that they fully comprehend the peril of their inconvenience. Both Matt and Dax look as if they’ve seen the world’s largest cock while Seth has a look that suggests he is the owner of said cock. And for the record lake water is disgusting. why would you stand there mouth agape filtering in water that fish start, create, and end life in as well as all the body functions in between.

Next. This is mainly just poor editing... but look at their faces... notice how they are no longer besmirched under the water line. However their clothes and legs are still soiled... is this magic water? is only clean at 3 ft and then dirty again? And speaking of clothes... How in the hell am I suppose to determine what season this is... some of them are wearing shorts and a tank top, some are wearing sweat shirts and jeans. I mean yeah it’s kinda inconvenient to be in the water during the summer but I mean wouldn’t it be more disastrous if this occurred
in the winter? I mean how am I determine the severity of their situation?

And why are they standing at the same end of the boat... that’s probably how they sank in the first place. distribute weight gentlemen.

The more I look at this poster the more I remember just how terrible it is. Seriously just take a good look at it and soon it will piss you off too.

So there you have it.

Now I’m not saying that all bad posters produce bad movies... but bad posters produce bad movies.

How About a Frosty Mug of SHUT THE HELL UP!: POST REDACTED

ROSE PRESENTS:
THE VERBAL SMACK DOWN


DISCLAIMER: I would like to think I'm a nice person. Right? Humor me for a moment my loyal legion of blog onlookers... Yeah... I can be a bitch sometimes... I will admit that I have that capacity and I have used it yes. And this my friends is one of those times. This surengence of angry has been accumlating since fucking december... and today my friends... oh... it has reached that point of no return.
Game over.

Dear You Know Who You Are:

First before I mention anything else, because this has been bothering me since fucking December. You are NOT a nice guy. You are a punk, a dick, an asshole, and to use my mom's new terminology Jerk Ball. Well hold on, I am a stickler for semantics, and really you can only know a person as well as your perceive them. So let me restate that. You told me "Don't worry Rose there are OTHER nice guys out there..." but you personally... You are NOT a nice guy to ME. To ME you are a punk, a dick, an asshole, and yes jerk ball. So argue all you want that you're really a nice guy, you can not possibly expect me to believe that you're a nice guy to me.

Now that little spat is out of the way.

This is me officially giving up on you. This is me no longer caring if you fuck up and lose your job. This is me looking out for ME, and washing my hands of YOU. After I feel guilty because I couldn't wake you up that I rush to work to make sure that it's open only to realize that you honestly don't respect me at all. I. am. done. And I know exactly what you are going to say.

No one asked you to come in, No one asked you to worry about me, I was late because of *insert lame excuse that somehow shifts the blame off of you and onto something else*

Cry me a fucking river. I did it because I had offered to wake you up, and on taking that offer that transferred responsibility to me to ensure either you woke up or to keep your ass out of trouble if something happens. I offered to wake you up as a co-worker. I covered your ass as a friend. But that's something you would not even begin to understand because from what I have been told by others and basically by you is that you don't want to be my friend.

Fine.

I'm sick of trying. I'm sick of working my ass off for your approval and continually getting the cold shoulder. You seem to think it's okay to fuck up on a frequent basis and never own up to it. Saying "sorry" or "thank you" doesn't automatically get you a "get out of a bitching" card. Smiling and feeling sorry for yourself only pisses me off more.

Today, I don't think I was so much angry about you coming in late. It was when I said "We're gonna have a talk." and you straight tell me "No"

EXCUSE ME?! I DIDN'T GET TO BED UNTIL 4 IN THE FUCKIN MORNING JUST TO MAKE SURE MY PHONE SWITCHED OVER SO I WOULDN'T LET YOU DOWN. AND WOKE UP AT 7:30 ON MY DAY OFF JUST TO MAKE SURE I WOULDN'T LET YOU DOWN! AND WHEN I COULDN'T GET AHOLD OF YOU I STAYED AWAKE! CAN YOU GUESS WHY?! SO I WOULDN'T LET YOU DOWN!

OH OH OH! AND CAN YOU GUESS WHY I EVENTUALLY SAID FUCK IT AND WENT TO MAKE SURE AT LEAST SOMEONE WAS AT THE STORE UNTIL I COULD GET AHOLD OF YOU! OH OH OH! AND HERE'S ONE YOU WON'T GET.... CAN YOU GUESS WHY I DIDN'T TELL JEFF?

How about it? Can you figure that one out?

You're a fucking dick to me almost every single day. You snap at me, you make assumptions about my current social situation without knowing the first thing about me. You tear into me every time you are unwilling to admit that i'm right. You interrupt me all the fucking time when I'm trying to talk to you about things that are important to me. You never apologize, you always have an excuse and you must be like a professional fly fisher for pity. I think you have got to be one of the most inconsiderate selfish people I've ever met, and believe you me... i have been in the company of some pretty big assholes.

I am so angry at you and just feel so disrespected and unappreciated by you as both a co-worker and someone who has attempted to be nice to you. Before I started working at Radioshack I actually had confidence and a life. And now I feel like an empty shell of a person. Your actions and words have made me feel like less of a person. But you know what?

I'm not out to hurt you or see you lose your job. If I wanted to fuck you over I wouldn't have even bothered to call or show up. I'm not going to tell Jeff about it, if you tell him that's your choice, but like I said. I am washing my hands of you.

I know you and Jeff think I'm a stuck up bitch, I really don't care anymore. After today it has become painfully clear that you are never going to grow up, you're never going to be on time, and you're never going to better yourself. I am considering my investments of time and energy into the cultivation of your human capital to be a net loss.

This is one less person worrying about you, and claiming to "see your potential". I'm fairly convinced that you have no potential and you are the way you are not because of lack of ambition but because it's the best you can do. And that's sad.

And I know you think I always have to be right, but dude... I would love it if you could prove me wrong. But I know you can't because like I said. I see who you are now... you won't better yourself not because you won't but because you can't.
And neither can I so I'm out. Game Over. Fail.

regards:
Rose

Give a Man a Fish

so I'm not SAYING going to college makes you a better person but... going to college makes you a better person.

If I were president. Fuck universal health care, fuck social security reform, and fuck... I repeat fuck... securing the boarders...

Platform Beam and maybe if he plays his cards right Seitz (imagine the press! the first bipartisan running mates... it would be like the odd couple only this time... it's bureaucratic!) and let's give it the date... 2028. 20 years... not bad.

Would be for subsidized higher education.

Dude... why are we spending millions and millions of dollars on "bettering the less fortunate countries" when there are American citizens running around here who completely lack necessary cognitive and critical thinking skills!

Working on a task at work... I see the following thing and it honestly made my brain hurt.

It's hard to understand how frustrating that is out of context. Long story short... those products were moved, and rather than take down the pegs... they were left up out of laziness not really stupidity i suppose, but then another member of the brain trust was told to place those signs on all empty pegs... well... i suppose he's good at following directions.

There was like 12 of these all grouped together on the wall. I was so baffled by it I had to take photos of it... I mean... I ... I never wanted to be one of those people who thought they were better than others simply because they had higher education... but dude... I mean... dude.

"Give a man a fish he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish then he can tell his head from his ass." ~ Beam/Seitz* 2028

*running mate pending*